TROUBLES

Concerned he might be fictional
The Lvoviner turned to God
Who was also troubled.
"What choice have I, Lvoviner
But to show mercy, heal the sick,
Punish the joyfully evil?
How much harder this will be
If I don't even exist! Come along;
We will consult Bishop Berkeley
Perhaps he has found an answer."

THE ODDS

In every known universe, Samuel Johnson,
Walking at twilight with James Boswell,
Gives a large stone a mighty kick
Thus refuting Bishop Berkeley's theory
Of the material world's illusory nature.
In only fourteen of those universes
Does the rock cry out "Oi there!
Kick me again and I'll paste you one!"
In only three of them does Johnson reply
"Petrinaceous threats, Sir, neither daunt nor deter me!"
In only one does everything end in drinks and laughter.